Learning To Love Myself

“How you love yourself is how you teach people to love you”. – Rupi Kaur

 

“I HATE YOU”! “I HATE YOU”! Were the words that bellowed from the depths of my wounded inner child. She was tired of all the suppression and repression of how I truly felt about my life, who I was or at least who I thought I was. She was too through with me. She was hurt, she was angry and resented me for the way I treated her. I was tired of the way that I passively lived my life and how I was giving up on myself, dreams but most of all my purpose. The choices I was making were not progressive and damn sure didn’t add to my happiness. I was living life the way that I thought I was supposed to. I was living my life according to other people’s rules and I resented them and my self for a choice that I was making, I was making choices to create a persona that made everyone else comfortable. This persona was a seeker of validation because deep inside I didn’t feel good enough. I had gone through experiences in life that seemed to validate that for me.

“THE CHOICES I WAS MAKING WERE NOT PROGRESSIVE AND DAMN SURE DIDN’T ADD TO MY HAPPINESS”

I was holding on to past pains and packing them in a special box and would unlock it when the Divine would tell me to let go and forgive and my response was to look at all this that I’ve been through and you want me to love myself! This person? This young woman who has been told she was wasn’t good enough, she was ugly, she wasn’t going to make it, she didn’t have what it takes to fulfill her dreams the same one who has had her heart stomped on in relationships. Yeah, all of that came up with my conversation with the Divine. I was going off on the Divine! I kept telling myself “I hate you and how all of my pain was for nothing. I couldn’t figure out what was it about myself that I needed to love. I was in my mind space that no longer served me, but I never understood how to release it with LOVE instead of JUDGEMENT! I’ve been judging myself all my life it was a habit I formed since childhood I never knew how to not criticize myself or judge myself. The Divine told me to release the self-hate. I felt as if I was dying inside because I wasn’t being true to myself. I wasn’t being honest with myself and I became sick of my own shit.

My inner child, she was to through because I allowed her voice to get lost, I ignored her when she said she wasn’t okay, ignored her when she told me she wasn’t comfortable in a situation, I ignored her when she told me she was hurting and I made her endure more unnecessary pain because I wanted to make everyone else feel good and happy because as long as everyone else was happy “ I was good”! “OH BOY”, here comes the cups filled with lies and distortions that will numb the pain of me not operating at my full potential. The lies of me not being enough until someone told me I was or validated what I was doing. These deep-seated lies were being purged from my eternal essence because the ultimate truth is I AM WORTHY! I was born worthy, it was an innate gift I was born with that was never to be measured by someone else’s values and beliefs. I am the only one who can measure my worth by how I think, feel, and act when it comes to myself. I had to learn and practice to feel the love from within and not look for the external forces to give me the green light for me to love myself. I can think highly of myself in a sense of being confident and looking at myself the way the Divine sees me because I am Divine myself. I act in ways that are loving to myself and not only self-care such as exercise, rest, grooming and the fun things but also when things get hard and I don’t feel or look my best, crossing those things off my list that I fear, self-discipline, acting on those dreams and goals, speaking up for myself, creating healthy boundaries, cutting off those people, places and things that no longer served me with love because they no longer served a purpose in my life.

Self-love is being committed to yourself no matter who, what, when, and how. Loving yourself flaws and all because you were made from perfection and there is nothing in this world that can alter that. Loving yourself is being your true self and standing up and fighting for yourself even when the majority is against you. Loving yourself when it gets rough because at the end of the day you start with you, and you will end with you so love it all.  Loving yourself also determines how others treat and love you. If you don’t love yourself then you will attract that energy to you, and you will go through a lesson to teach you that lesson to love yourself in whatever area that may be. Everything starts from within and that also includes love, we must bask in this eternal love so that we attract those who do the same. Love doesn’t mean perfection and it comes with its challenges, but it is worth it because it makes you grow and mature into someone you couldn’t have even imagined. Loving yourself is being true to you and that inner being who sees you in its image so why not love yourself? Unconditional radical love is key for the change that we want to see in the world because it starts with us, once you make this change within you will start to see it in your reality.

 

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